I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.





Shirley & Marcy


A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son, Timmy, walking to school..


He didn't want his mother to walk with him.


She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.


So she had an idea of how to handle it.


She asked a neighbour if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.


The neighbour said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.


The next school day, the neighbour and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbour girl he knew.


She did this for the whole week.


As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.


Finally she said to Timmy,


'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'


Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'

The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'


'That's just Shirley Goodnest ,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy ...'


'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?


'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.


And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest (surely goodness) and Marcy (mercy) shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'


The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.


May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always



One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church, staring up at a large plaque.  It was covered with many names and had small American flags mounted on either side of it.

     After observing that the six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.' 

     'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.  Then, he asked, 'Pastor, what is this?' 

     The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

     Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. 


     Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked him, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'



The Sunday School Teacher was carefully explaining the Biblical Story of Elijah, the Prophet and the False prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah carefully built an Altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the Altar.


Then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the Altar. He then had them do this again four times. "NOW" said the Teacher, "Can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the Altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand and with great enthusiasm said,


Have you ever experienced the "SILENT" treatment? A husband and wife were having some problems at home and were giving each the "SILENT TREATMENT!" Suddenly the husband realized that the next day he needed his wife to wake him a 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. To be the first to break the "SILENCE" and "LOSE" he wrote on a piece of paper, "wake me at 5:00 AM" and left the piece where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the husband woke up only to discover it was now 9:00 AM and that he missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. Written on the paper were the words

IT'S 5:00 AM! WAKE UP!



Laughter is the best Medicine.


A middle ages woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. When on the operating table, she has a near death experience but the angel of the Lord said "NO" and explained she has another 30 to 40 years to live. Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital a few more days to have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck, for if she has another 30 to 40 years, she thought she might as well make the best of it.

She finally walked out of the hospital after the last operation with her beautiful new appearance, and was killed by an Ambulance speeding up to the Hospital. She arrived in Heaven, saw her guardian Angel, and said, "I thought you said I had 30 to 40 more years to live.

The Angel replied,



The story is told of a Pig and a Chicken walking along a country road. Mile after mile they talked about everything, the Farmer, his family, whether the horse and the cow were getting along, and many other things. Finally they came to a town. They had never been this far from home before and wanted a good look around. So they slowly walked down Main Street looking at everything.

They walked past the Hardware Store, the Grocery, the Department Store, all the while noticing how happy and content the people looked. Finally, they stopped in front of the "Diner" at the end of town. Looking in the window, the Chicken noticed a sign that offered a



Thinking about that for a minute, the Pig responded. "You know it seems like  they do value us, BUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THEIR BREAKFAST IS ONLY A "CONTRIBUTION" MINE IS A "SACRIFICE."